But he climaxes after 30 seconds

For some, a strong sexual connection is key for a relationship to succeed.

For others, it’s an added bonus.

But this week’s reader is worried, because while she says her boyfriend is ‘perfect’, their sex life certainly isn’t.

She’s in love, so reluctant to call it quits, but can’t help feel dejected and low every time they’re in bed together.

Check out our expert’s advice below, but before you do, take a look at last week’s dilemma, from a woman who’s settled for her handyman, and is starting to have regrets.

The problem…

Well, here it is: our sex life is an absolute disaster.

He climaxes after thirty seconds, before I’ve even got going, and then turns over in shame with his back to me for the rest of the night.

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Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column.
I’ve been working in newspapers since completing my counselling training 30 years ago, and it’s always a privilege to help readers.

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I’m left staring at the ceiling and have to finish off myself, if you get my meaning.

We slept together the first night we met, and I thought the problem was just caused by drink.

I’ve told him constantly that it doesn’t matter, that things will improve as we get to know one another, that I want to be with him for more than just sex — you name it, I’ve said it.

I really thought the situation would eventually get better, but nine months down the line, he still suffers from premature ejaculation and it feels like there’s nothing I can say or do to improve things.

If I’m honest, we’ve never had decent sex.

He now avoids it most of the time, and it’s really starting to bug me.

He’s so perfect in every other way that I’m really reluctant to end our relationship over this one problem.

I want to sort it out, but how?

POLL

Would you break up with someone if you weren’t sexually satisfied?

• Yes, sex is really important to me

• No, if I love them I'd want to make it work

The advice

You’re probably right that the first time it happened was down to drink; but my guess is that one time was a big issue in your boyfriend’s head, which has led to it becoming more and more of a problem.

Worrying about it just makes it worse and if your boyfriend sometimes avoids sex, then when intercourse eventually does happen, ther’s a build-up of sexual tension which makes his release all the more urgent.

I’m with you that if everything else between you is great, you shouldn’t end your relationship over ‘one problem’.

The trouble is, that one problem is quite a biggie, and even though premature ejaculation is not uncommon in young men, it’s something you do need to took about and see if there are steps you can take to resolve it.

Placing too much emphasis on the act of intercourse itself can intensify the problem of climaxing too quickly; so, try laying off penetrative sex for a few weeks and instead explore the many other ways of sharing sexual pleasure.

With intercourse off the agenda, an important pressure is taken away from both of you.

Encourage your boyfriend to tell you when he gets the feeling that he’s about to climax, and whatever you’re doing then, it’s time to stop.

Once his feelings subside, you can both start again; hopefully, this will result in him having greater control over his orgasms and lead naturally to full intercourse.

If the problem persists, see your GP to make sure there’s no underlying medical cause.

A trained sex therapist can also help, so Google what help is available in your area.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.