‘Haar jaati thi toh bukhaar…’: Taapsee Pannu recalls her struggle with handling failure; a psychiatrist weighs in

Nobody likes to lose, but have you been so tightly wound about it that you caught a fever if you didn’t win?

Well, this is how it was for Taapsee Pannu, growing up.

TheThappadactress made the candid admission onThe Slow Interviewwith Neelesh Mishra, reflecting on how intensely she reacted to losing.

“Haar jati thi to matlab bukhar chadh jata tha.” (I used to get a fever if I didn’t win).

She explained that as a child, she simply could not tolerate defeat.

For her, losing felt physical — almost like falling ill.

“Matlab wo bachkani baatein hi hoti hain haar jo nahi tolerate kar sakte kisi tarah se.

Main participate karungi kisi cheez mein to apna 100% dungi.

I’ll make sure ki jeetne layak ho.

Aur nahi jeeti to bukhar ho jata tha mujhe aur fir wo apne aap mein hi kudhti rehti thi ki kaise nahi ho sakta.”
(It was childish, really — not being able to tolerate losing in any way.

If I participated in something, I would give it my 100%.

I’d make sure I was worthy of winning.

And if I didn’t win, I would get a fever and then keep tormenting myself, wondering how that could have happened.)
According to Dr Anitha Chandra, Consultant – Psychiatry at Aster CMI Hospital, such sharp reactions to failure often signal a deep emotional attachment to success  and that the person may “link success with their self-worth”
The psychiatrist explains that stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol can trigger sweating, body heat, headache, and a racing heart — making someone feel physically sick even without an actual fever.

“This kind of reaction may reveal that the person is highly competitive, perfectionistic, or afraid of failure and judgment,” she adds.

It can also suggest difficulty with emotional regulation — managing disappointment in a balanced way.

Pannu also admitted that she never entered anything casually.

If she participated, she gave it everything.

That drive, while admirable, can sometimes reflect a particular mindset.

“If a person feels the need to give 100% in everything just to win, it usually shows they have a very competitive and achievement-focused mindset,” says Dr Chandra.

“They may strongly believe that success defines their value, and losing feels like failure rather than a learning experience.”
Ambition and discipline are strengths.

But whenself-worth becomes tied exclusively to outcomes, even small defeats can feel catastrophic.

Such individuals may struggle to relax or enjoy activities unless they are winning.

“Their mindset may be driven by a deep desire for validation, recognition, or control,” she notes.

With balance, however, they can learn that growth and effort matter as much as victory.

Perhaps the most revealing part of Pannu’s reflection was not the fever — but what came after.

Pannu revealed that even though losing would feel like a matter of “life and death,” she did not prefer opening up about her sadness with other people.

“I don’t know why, but I never felt like sitting down and sharing my sadness like that.

People say you should just let it out of your system, but I never felt like sharing that kind of disappointment.

What was there to share — we lost… what more is there to say?” (translation)
She preferred to process disappointment alone.

Dr Chandra says this, too, reveals that the person might be “emotionally private” and find it hard to “express vulnerability.” They may believe showing sadness is a weakness or fear judgment from others.

While independence can be a strength, consistently suppressing emotions can increase stress over time.

“Sometimes, it reflects strong self-control on the outside but intense emotions on the inside,” the psychiatrist concludes.

A post shared by Neelesh Misra (@neeleshmisra)