I watched Take That’s most unhinged music video and now understand Britain less

There are two Britains I know well: the country I thought I was moving to, and the one that actually exists.

The second, my lived experience, is a nation powered by meal deals, damp socks, and a collective willingness to accept dryers that simply do not work.

Somewhere between those two Britains lies the truth.

And, increasingly, I am realizing that truth includes…Take That.

For Americans, Take That is one of those cultural blind spots.

You know the name Robbie Williams because of his monkey movie, but the band itself never quite crossed the Atlantic in the way One Direction or even The 1975 did.

Which means there is an entire, foundational piece of British pop culture that Americans have simply… missed.

And unfortunately (or fortunately?), my introduction to it was not a gentle one.

It was the uncensored music video for Do What You Like.

Please enjoy my genuine, real-time experience of experiencing this truly memorable audiovisual achievement for the first time, as chronicled by my notes and a recording of my verbal reactions.

Before watching: False confidence

Going in, my knowledge was limited but confident: Take That = British boy band.

Robbie Williams = still refuses to button a shirt because of this British boy band.

British people = deeply attached to them.

My editor told me the video had a surprise in store that was ‘shocking.’ As a person who looked at the public reaction to Saltburn and thought, ‘Okay, so y’all have never been in love before or what???,’ I am not easily shocked.

I assumed I was about to watch something charmingly dated.

Maybe some coordinated dancing.

Possibly a wind machine.

At worst, a little light pelvic thrusting.

Reader, I was a fool.

The opening: Mad Max, but make it… Catholic?

The video opens and I immediately write, in my notes: ‘Oh my god their lil motorcycle outfits.

Fun!’
But then I noticed the crosses.

So now I’m thinking: post-apocalyptic priests?

Mad Max but they found a Hot Topic?

It’s leather, it’s fringe, it’s religious iconography, it’s capri pants.

Capri pants!

Such hairless calves on them all!

There is something deeply endearing about a group of men dressed like dystopian clergy who also look ready to teach a 2003 Zumba class.

I also note: ‘Wait, they’re all soooo cute, I get why teen girls had posters of these boys.’

The Vibes: Confusing, athletic, intensely moist

Very quickly, we enter what I can only describe as a texture-forward phase of the video.

There is whipped cream.

There is jelly (yes, I have now learned you call it jelly, not Jell-O, though spiritually it is the same).

There are women… applying these substances to the band members in a way that’s a lot like watching a toddler ice a cupcake unsupervised.

At one point, a woman is rubbing whipped cream onto a man’s shoulders with the intensity of someone applying Tiger Balm to a sports injury.

Why?

Because, let we forget, you can Do What You Like.

I giggled at the thought of this video as a testament to the possibilities of free will.

Someone said, ‘Okay boys, the song is about doing whatever you want, so, if you could do anything at all, what would it be?’
To which they replied, in what I imagine as perfect, harmonic unison: ‘Jelly wrestle with my bros!’

The Choreography: Homoerotic jazzercise

The dancing deserves its own academic study.

There is one man – small, joyful; I’ll look up his name later – who beams while thrusting every time they say ‘energy,’ as if he has personally invented the concept.

Another appears to specialize exclusively in what I can only call hand dancing, made more powerful by aggressively fringed sleeves.

Love them both.

I hope they kiss.

And then there’s the one in what appears to be a chainmail thong worn over leather capri jeggings, who spends the video doing ballet leaps and occasionally, back flips!

Before there was Benson Boone, there was Take That.

At this point, I am distracted by wondering if it’s slippery to do backflips when the floor is coated in desert.

The Plot (?): The Gospel according to jelly

At a certain point, I began trying to impose narrative logic.

Is this an alternate universe where the body of Christ is jelly, and the blood is whipped cream?

‘Take this jelly as my body.’ I’m just asking questions, journalism is about staying curious.

Oh, they’re hip thrusting more now!

The Camera Work: A man discovers zoom

Around the halfway mark, it becomes clear that the camera operator has recently discovered the zoom function and is absolutely determined to get their money’s worth.

We are zooming in.

We are zooming out.

We are zooming into places we do not need to be zooming into.

At one point I wrote, simply: ‘I am getting motion sick.’
There are also… a lot of shots of crotches.

Covered in jelly.

Was this the shocking part I had been warned about?

The Turning Point: Sticky…brotherhood?

Somewhere in the chaos, something almost… wholesome emerges?

For a brief moment, I thought: This is nice.

This is actually kind of punk.

Look at their radical joy!

Go on boys, shed your burden of restrictive manhood and cuddle your best pals in a big gooey pile!

The Ending: Oh.

Oh No.

Without warning, the video escalates from ‘mildly unhinged’ to ‘Oh my god, I’m watching this on my work computer, am I breaking a law right now?’
Suddenly: a naked, jelly-covered bum.

Then: all of them.

Fully naked.

Covered in jelly.

Lying in a group.

Just… existing.

Presenting?????

No, existing.

This is an angle of the male form that should only be viewed by French painters and the inside of trousers.

I wrote, in all caps: ‘WHIPPED CREAM BUMS!!!!!’ No number of exclamation points could accurately convey my surprise.

I laughed wildly.

Perhaps it was almost a sob?

There is also, inexplicably, a woman mopping the bums.

I was worried they might get ants, it’s good someone is cleaning up, I guess.

At this point, I have abandoned all attempts at cultural analysis.

Cultural Context (Now that I’ve processed the jelly and done some Googling)

Turns out, this was a low-budget music video, shot in 1991 at a studio in Heaton Mersey, co-directed by a former BBC Radio 1 DJ, Rosemary Barrett, who also presented The Old Grey Whistle Test.

Okay, wait, a woman directed this???

I love that???

Is this the feminine gaze Emerald Fennell is always talking about??

Is this a feminist reversal of ‘woman as object to be viewed’?

Where is this queen now???

Did Rosemary Barrett walk so Greta Gerwig could run??

I also learned that the official premise is that the band ‘cavort with women while smearing jelly on themselves.’ ‘Cavort’ is an incredibly funny word for what is, in reality, full-scale dessert chaos.

Unsurprisingly, it was banned from daytime TV.

Unsurprisingly for Britain, who broadcast shows like Naked Dating, it still aired late at night on The Hitman and Her, because this is a nation that believes there is a correct time of day for jelly-based nudity, and that time is after the watershed.

This was early Take That pre-polish, pre-ballads, pre-Gary Barlow becoming a national institution, as I have now learned he was.

Just a group of chaotic young men saying ‘Yes ma’am!’ to a woman with a VISION!

Rosemary saw the David in the marble, and, with the strength and bravery of her foremothers, muttered to her PA: ‘More jelly,’ thereby changing the course of this country forever.

Final Thoughts

Do I understand the cultural phenomenon that was Take That better now?

No!

This experience was mystifying.

Still, I had fun!

I laughed!

I bobbed my head!

I gasped!

Do I understand Britain better?

Also no.

But I do understand that there is a very specific, very British flavour of pop culture that exists entirely outside the American gaze, a world where boy bands can be equal parts Catholic Mad Max, dessert-themed performance art, and full-frontal chaos.

Y’all keep your freakier stuff private and export your more palatable.

I can understand that, and it’s a privilege to be let in on your secrets.

I will never look at jelly the same way.

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