I wish he was someone else

The head and the heart can often want two very different things — and that’s certainly the case for this week’s reader.

Her boyfriend is a walking green flag: he’s good-looking, generous, and supportive.

But despite him being the logical choice for a life partner, her heart still belongs with her ex-boyfriend.

Now, he’s married to someone else, and with her own wedding fast approaching, she must finally decide what she wants her future to be.

Check out our expert’s advice below, but before you do, take a look at last week’s dilemma, from a woman who is starting to sense something dodgy about the ‘princess treatment’ she’s receiving.

The problem…

He is such a nice guy and my parents love him, even though he only works as an electrician.

My problem is that I still hanker after the guy I split up with three years ago.

We had a long relationship – nearly ten years – but he left me for another woman, and they recently got married.

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Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column.
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I’ve never really got over the split, although I hide how I feel.

I think about my ex almost every day and although I appear to have moved on, deep down I know he’s still the love of my life.

The man I’m with now would be so hurt if he knew how I felt.

We met when he was doing some work on my flat, and because I was feeling low at the time, I accepted his offer to go out.

We’ve been together ever since.

I can’t fault him – he’s good-looking, generous, and very supportive of everything I do.

Sexually we’re also very compatible, and in some ways, my sex life now is better than it was with my previous partner.

I’ve really tried to stop thinking about my ex, especially now that he’s moved on with someone else, but my feelings for him won’t go away.

I recently confided in a close friend who said I’m being unfair on my boyfriend.

I don’t want to be old and lonely and I think at this stage, he’s probably the best partner I could hope for.

I’m in my late 30s so I don’t have time to mess about.

POLL

Do you think this reader should stay with her boyfriend?

• No, set him free, he deserves to be loved

• Yes, he's clearly a great guy

The advice

I’m afraid yours is one such case.

Starting with ‘he’s only an electrician’, moving on through ‘I went out with him because I was feeling low’ and ending up with ‘he’s the best I could hope for’, I’m left feeling much more sympathy for your partner than I am for you.

From all you say, he sounds like a great person who deserves to be loved and appreciated in ways that you don’t seem capable of right now.

An electrician?

What a fantastic job, and by the way, one which can’t easily be replaced by AI.

Are you certain your ex was the love of your life?

Sometimes the sheer hurt of being dumped plays havoc with emotions, so be sure you’re not just confusing those desperate feelings with actual love.

Frankly, you need to stop yearning for the past, and look for happiness in the here and now.

I promise you that the more you put into your life, the more you’ll get out of it.

But if deep down you know your partner is not the right guy for you, then planning marriage is nothing short of crazy.

Whatever age you are, you need to end your current relationship.

Give yourself – and your poor boyfriend – the chance to find true love with someone else.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.