I’m a sex worker — this is why your husband is my favourite client

As a sex worker, my favourite type of client is the happily married man.

He won’t badger me with endless messages, demanding that I care about his work triumphs or grandchildren’s achievements either: he has another woman for that, a wife more eminently qualified.

Plus, he is respectful of my private life because he has his own.

This type will often become troublesome.

Not always, but often.

That’s particularly true of the lonely female client, who can be most difficult of all.

It’s a cliché, but like many clichés, born of truth — namely, that women struggle to separate sex and emotion.

Having encountered me and enjoyed the fulfilment of their wildest fantasies, these women often start to assume we must be soulmates, rather than just realising I’m pretty good at my job.

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Then, they start messaging 50 times a day, demanding my relentless attention, sick with jealous rage at my other clients.

They’re usually more trouble than they’re worth, and many dommes actually refuse to see women as a consequence.

When it comes to married men, sometimes the wives know that their husbands come to see me.

Sometimes they encourage it, or prefer not to ask too many questions; occasionally they take an active interest.

I’m happy when they know I exist, but I’d prefer they didn’t show up in my space; it rather ruins the dynamic having a third wheel present.

It does happen from time to time, usually out of curiosity or a desire to be involved, but it can feel faintly surreal — like trying to work while being observed, with the odd bit of commentary thrown in.

What is usually a focused, one-to-one exchange becomes something closer to a group exercise.

And not always a harmonious one.

I like to be Queen of my domain, not have another woman insisting he deserves it for his behaviour last week, or worse, trying to tell me about her holiday plans or new hat.

At least when the wives know, you can thrash their fellas until the welts swell and glow.

It’s a nuisance having to worry about marks with my secretive married visitors: I can’t cane them as fiercely as either they or I would wish.

POLL

Would you feel comfortable with your partner seeing a sex worker?

• Yes, I don't see the problem

• Only if it was to satisfy a desire I'm not happy to indulge

• No way, not in a million years

The wives’ feelings don’t prick my conscience though.

In my view, neither a husband or a wife will stray if their partners give them what they need.

And I actually believe that women married to submissive men are lucky; they tend to be loyal, and desperate to please a goddess who is the epicentre of their existence.

I say you should jolly well slip some stockings on and beat him when he needs it, with enthusiasm, or else not complain when he comes to me.

I’ve never yet had trouble with a wife, although once an adult daughter sent me an angry message insisting I was a ‘filthy slut’ who should ‘leave dad alone’.

He was the wrong side of Milton Keynes and inclined to grope, so I was content to follow her advice.

Usually my clients are happily married in all but one area: the one he comes to me to satisfy.

Thus, I truly believe I prop up his marriage — you’re welcome, Mrs Client.

More from Melissa

‘A client asked me to fulfil his eproctophilia fantasy – but I just couldn’t do it’
I’ve been a sex worker for 30 years — one trend is disturbing, even for me
What really goes on inside the STI testing clinic for sex workers
As a sex worker, people think they love me — they don’t know the truth
Look, I get it.

If you’re not into BDSM, it must seem beyond odd that we weirdos seek out pain and humiliation as if they were fresh air and decent coffee.

But being hit by someone who doesn’t get it, who’s clearly bored and baffled, who asks, ‘Is that enough now?’,  is worse than not being hit at all.

In fact, I think there’s a case for couples being more open around seeking my services.

Every relationship contains its own boundaries and atmosphere, only fully understood by the people within it — but when something is treated as unspeakable, such as a sexual desire, people tend to handle it badly.

Where there’s at least some level of understanding, things are often calmer and more functional.

Occasionally, it even helps keep the rest of a relationship on track.

So, if you don’t get it, my advice is that you have two options.

Either pretend you do get it, and you’ll have a devoted, adoring, grateful husband for life.

Or, alternatively, encourage him to visit my playroom for his fix.

I’ll send him back giddy with hormones and joy — and we’ll all be thankful for it.

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.