Jeremy Clarkson reveals he ‘has everything planned out’ for his death

Jeremy Clarkson has revealed that he has made plans for his death, railing against an impending tax reform which will affect farmers in the UK.

Coming into force from April 5, new rules would mean that landowners will have to pay inheritance tax if they wish to pass on their farm when they die.

As the head honcho at Clarkson’s Farm, this puts the former Top Gear host firmly among the affected parties.

Naturally, Clarkson had opinions.

Writing in his column for The Times this weekend, Clarkson jokingly revealed what he had planned in the event of his passing.

This included leaving Grand Tour co-host James May something that ‘he’d find irritating,’ such as a cow, and ‘all my trousers’ to Richard Hammond.

He also added that his son, Finlo Clarkson, could have his father’s gold watch, so long as ‘he promised to keep it up his bottom for five years.’
After ruling out organ donation and cremation (reasoning that he could be wrong about God, and therefore feel ‘pretty silly’ rocking up in heaven in an urn, or having given your eyeballs away).

As for the funeral itself, he revealed that he wants all 23 minutes of the 1972 prog rock classic Supper’s Ready, by Genesis, to be played.

Clarkson wrapped up by insisting he be buried in The Yukon (a tiny territory in western Canada) ‘for no other reason than it’s seriously inconvenient.’
Scuppering Clarkson’s well-laid plans is the government’s tax reform, meaning that he’ll now have to hang on to life until they’re voted out.

And in the event that he should become incapacitated or comatose?

Laying out his dilemma, Clarkson wrote: ‘I have some kind of medical issue and become a cabbage.

If the people I choose to be my representatives do as I ask and pull the plug, then my kids will be hit with a whopping tax bill.

‘If they wait till Starmer and [Rachel] Reeves have gone and someone sensible is in the driving seat, they won’t.’
He finished by reasoning that he should add a paragraph demanding that his life support machine be kept on until Labour are out of Downing Street.

Clarkson hasn’t exactly been shy about his distaste for the current government, even going so far as to ban all but one Labour MP from his pub.

This includes Prime Minister Keir Starmer, who shouldn’t expect an invite to the Farmer’s Dog anytime soon.

‘He’s banned.

He’s the first person on the board in the hall to be banned,’ Clarkson once said in an interview, before adding.

‘He hasn’t done much to endear himself to me yet.’
The British PM joins a hallowed list which also includes James May and punters with food intolerances.

‘Food intolerance enthusiasts will claim after they leave that you poisoned them and that you must now give them 50,000 of your pounds,’ he wrote in his column last year.

‘I’m seriously thinking of banning people with food intolerances.

I know it would be commercial suicide but they are just so annoying.’
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