I’m a sex worker and married couples keep booking me — this is what they ask for

Over the past year, I’ve been seeing a rather disquieting surge in emails with the subject line ‘couple booking’.

As a sex worker I’m used to more one-on-one sessions, so I’m still deciding whether to be flattered or alarmed.

I don’t really know why this has happened, maybe because I’m so public and blatantly non-threatening, they feel they can trust me.

But I must say, one client at a time is quite enough, thank you.

One set of nerves, one ego, one carefully negotiated set of boundaries.

Add a second person and suddenly I’m running a small emotional theatre company: ensuring both parties feel seen, safe, satisfied and, crucially, that they’ve had value for money.

I’m less dominatrix, more project manager with a whip.

And then there’s the creeping sense of becoming a prop.

Not a participant, not quite the main act, but something hired to animate their private world.

You notice it in the little things: the shy glances they exchange, hands squeezed under the table, whispered conferences in corners.

Marriage, I’ve learned, is a sealed ecosystem.

You can visit, briefly, but you’ll never quite speak the language.

Boundaries, too, become trickier when they arrive as a pair.

If one half of the couple is fizzing with enthusiasm and the other is… let’s say, diplomatically supportive, whose boundaries am I really working with?

Sex.

Love.

Modern Mess.

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Enthusiasm is easy to read.

Hesitation, less so.

Especially when it’s dressed up as love.

Of course, not all couples are created equal.

Some are a dream.

Take the pair celebrating a joint birthday this week: both newly forty, both gloriously up for it.

I was the present.

She wanted to learn: how to scold, to spank, to wield a cane with confidence.

He, refreshingly straightforward, just wanted to be on the receiving end.

A neat division of labour.

Only wrinkle?

She admitted, with touching honesty, that she might feel jealous of me.

I slipped seamlessly into what I like to think of as my ‘compassionate professional’ voice, part therapist, part tender auntie.

‘Is there anything I can do to make that easier?’ I asked, mentally awarding myself a gold star.

‘Yes,’ she said.

‘I’d prefer he kept his pants on.’
A simple enough request.

Although her husband’s expression suggested this had not been covered in pre-meeting discussions.

I made tea and left them to negotiate the finer points of modesty.

Others are more complicated.

There’s a regular couple where the dynamic feels distinctly one-sided.

He’s wildly keen; she’s gamely obliging.

I choose implements that sound alarming but deliver practically no pain.

It’s not the sort of thing that sits entirely comfortably, but I suspect that if not me, someone less inclined to gentleness might take my place.

Not to mention, I charge an absurd amount for my appointments, and that money would go into someone else’s pocket.

And then there are the wild cards.

The wife who brought me in as a ‘treat’ and then fumed when I proved rather better at the practicalities than she was.

Basically, I could cane him harder than she could.

I made him bleed after 10 strokes: she said it took her 40.

Inside I was thrilled, but tried to laugh it off with a: ‘Well, I do this all day every day, and have for decades…be pretty tragic if I hadn’t developed a few tricks and muscles!’
Between you and I, men often tell me I satisfy them more than their spouses, but they’d certainly never admit that when booked in as a couple.

There was also the pre-wedding couple who decided matrimony should begin with a lock and key situation.

On the eve of their wedding they decided the husband should be locked in a solid steel chastity device around his penis, while the wife should keep the key round her neck, only letting him free when she fancied.

A private ritual to cement their Female Led Relationship or FLR.

He wears the device night and day (when he’s not at work).

Occasionally she might apply a magic wand vibrator to his metal cage to torment him.

He’s been in the device a year now — in fact they’ve just booked me to help them celebrate their year wedding anniversary in a fabulous hotel.

The many, many variations on a theme: love, power, curiosity, and the occasional competitive streak.

In all cases, I find myself in the middle — referee, facilitator, occasional scapegoat — watching the clock and waiting for the moment I can slip out, leaving them to return to being two.

Because for all the intrigue of three, most relationships, like most stories, make far more sense when reduced to their original cast.

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.